Pre-marital sex: A personal choice

HIMALAYAN NEWS SERVICE

n I personally feel that anything has its charm and value until you follow certain discipline and the same thing can be implied to sex as well. The question of pre or post is not much important in sex if one views it as an expression of trust and intense love rather than a mere physical pleasure. We have been hearing cases of problem brought about by sex after marriage and also relationships getting stronger by the same even before marriage. So the primary question is not about its occurrence but how one treats it. If a couple takes it as the most special thing that fosters their bond, even pre-marital sex is not a thing to be disgusted by. The most important thing is that there should be a discipline when dealing with it and most importantly, the mutual trust between couple.

— Saloni Singh,

New Baneshwor

n Since pre-marital sex is in accordance with agreement of both partners, besides, if they are practising safe sex, why should society consider this act a taboo? Sex is inevitable in human life, and one day one should definitely experience it, then why not with the partner, of one’s choice? After all an individual has his/her own right to choose any partner. However, at some point, pre-marital sex is also wrong, but if the partners are confident and they believe that their age is appropriate to do so, then why should they not? Pre-marital sex should not be done for amusement; instead it could be the milestone of trust in each other and continuing their relationship forever. If a person does not feel remorse at pre-marital sex, then why should this be a headache for society? Today in this era, everybody enjoys his or her freedom, then why should anybody be restricted to experience the most pleasant moment of the life?

— Aashrya, Kupondole,

Lalitpur

n We are in the 21st century, in the age of science and technology, but the most important point is that we are Nepali. Our culture, social norms and values do not allow pre-marital sex. In my view pre-marital sex is not necessary as well as not good because —

• One may be suffer from many sexually transmitted diseases.

• One may be hated in the society and taken negatively.

• Ones’ social value will be degraded in society.

• One may suffer from tensions.

• One may become infertile.

• One may get involved in prostitution et cetera.

Thus, pre-marital sex is very dangerous which may ruin happy family. It can’t be the reality. The reality is understanding. So, we should keep ourselves away from all this.

— Agrim Poudel, Masbar, Pokhara-7

n It is widely said that sex is a biological need and an indispensable part of our daily life, which is necessary just like our requirement of our daily food. But this doesn’t entail and we should have sex whenever, with whoever and wherever we want. These days, we don’t have difficulty hearing and seeing pre-marital sexual relationships, which is not good in the eyes of civilised society and is barred by social norms, values and customs. In the past, when the humans began their existence in this word, there was open sex due to lack of civilisation. As the world developed, sex became secret and systematic. In this modern era, pre-marital sex has become normal for urban boys and girls which is not a good practice due to its various bad consequences like-unwanted pregnancy, risk of sex-related diseases, immature health conditions and in some cases murder after having sex by lover/male partner which happens in different times and places. Having pre-marital sex is disgraceful and is not of our social value.

This is copying foreign culture and is nothing more than that.

— Keshab Singh Air,

Siddheswor 9, Khodape, Baitadi

n I am against pre-marital sex but can’t deny the fact, it was prevalent since ages. But back then when any boy or girl indulged in sex, it was kept a secret. However these days, eastern country like ours has adapted western culture and seem to be enjoying this culture of having an open relationship without fearing consequences. Not only that they are also breaking the laws of society and religion too in the name of modernisation.

There may be several reasons for having pre-marital sex. Recently I watched one of the shows regarding youth’s problem in which due to peer pressure they have sex just to prove that they belong to the same group. And the next reason may be to prove to her boyfriend that she wouldn’t leave her boyfriend in the days to come. So for assurance pre-marital sex is prevalent.

However, I would say if you can’t control then at least be safe by practising safe sex and do it in a safe place as these days nefarious people hide cameras and also you can be the victim. So be aware.

— Moin Uddin, Ghattekulo, Kathmandu

As far as the growing trend is concerned, live-in relations and pre-marital sex is an obvious need for youngsters as they are of the view that if they live together without any sort of bondage and are mentally and physically attached to each other, then they can keep one another’s values safe and intact. With this they will be able to know every weakness and strength of their partner. So if they decide to marry later, it will be better for them to get acquainted with each other. But my personal view is that, pre-marital sex is not only harmful but also embarrassing to some extent. A couple who indulges in this might take their relationship granted, with this their relation comes to the a stage wherein the girl suffers the most as she might be at the risk of being ditched and dumped with yet another burden of carrying an unwanted child. So, not only does her life gets spoilt but she gets the reputation of being left out as well. Hence, a committed relation should be based upon pure love and understanding and the one who considers only physical relation to be its base tends to make love with the outer self of a person least bothered with the depth of the other’s feeling. Such a relation will not last long and will only lead to distress. Our culture teaches us to be in a pure relation and pre-marital sex is indeed a taboo and unacceptable in our society. So, it’s better to avoid by giving heed to such relation.

— Pretty Tamang,

Narayantar

n Pre-marital sex is considered a taboo in our society. The sexual relationship before the marriage is illegal and is not an acknowledged behaviour in our society. Pre-marital sex must be discouraged. For this, family, school et cetera must give proper guidance to their children. Everyone must follow social norms and values of the society. Nowadays, we can see that the young generation is given more freedom, which is rather misused by them. They are involved in many immoral activities, which have badly affected their health and career. Parents are busy and don’t have time to monitor their children’s activities. Who can be blamed for this? Obviously, we so-called educated people need to bring them on the right track. Schools, colleges as well as media, need to make them aware by providing them moral education.

Marriage is a distinct feature of human being that is taken as a biological process. It is established by the human society to control and systematise the sexual life of a man. It controls human beings in a good way to avoid unnecessary evils in society. It creates family life and maintains social systems functioning. Thus, pre-marital sex needs to be made illegal and avoided.

— Shubha Laxmi Dangol, Bhainsepati, Lalitpur

n I don’t think pre-marital sex should be taken negatively. It is a part of our life. So, there’s no point of taking it as a taboo. Early marriage system in the past has influenced this view in our society. But now that the time has changed, the negative concept for pre-marital sex should also change. The more we try to deny this matter, the more chances there are for this to spread everywhere in the society. Due to the false view, most of the people take it as a social evil. And when some people (especially teenagers) become the victim of pre-marital sex, then they cannot dare to share it with their elders, and also they aren’t ready to face the upcoming situations for which they are compelled to elope or commit suicide. This way, the false view somehow helps in increasing the crime rate. We can see that, developed countries like the USA, the UK et cetera takes this fact normally, and these countries have better controlled birth and population compared to our country. If we are also able to take this fact positively, and are willing to accept it with awareness, then only our social fabric can turn better.

— Sanjeeta Shahi, Vanasthali, Kathmandu

n Talking about sex was a completely no-no earlier. The one talking about such topics was considered as bad person. But, due to globalisation, now in cities like Kathmandu, it is taken normally. Pre-marital sex is gradually entering here as well. It may be true that we may easily accept the fact but we should be very aware about its cons or dark side before readily practising such a culture. Every youngster and teenager in relationships should know about sex and should be aware of safety measures as well. For this sex education should be included at the school level courses. It encounters problems like lots of moral questions, pre-mature pregnancies, and different diseases and feelings of guilt, et cetera. More than pleasure and fun, emotional effect after practising pre-marital sex like feeling of disgust, guilt, resentment, embarrassment, distrust, lack of respect and tension may cause mental problems or make a person suicidal as well. If we are not cautious, the chances of transmitting STD (Sexually Transmitted Disease) are very high. So, it is best to abstain from such culture in order to avoid STDs, un-wed mothers, unwanted pregnancies and abortions. Nepal is still not ready for such practices. It will take many years for us to adapt to such change. We should do impact-analysis before doing anything.

So, in my view, we should answer a few questions like — Can we handle all the issues and hindrance that arise after engaging in pre-marital sex? Will our family and our society readily accept our behaviour in the current context? If the answer is yes, then you can go ahead and embrace pre-marital sex. But, awareness and carefulness is a must.

— Sulochana Panta, Siphal

n In my opinion, pre-marital sex is harmless and safe whenever it is practiced with due care. Although it is still considered a taboo in our society, it is getting popular slowly and gradually and youth are even following it in order to get both pleasure and affinity from their partners. Well, I think that it should be practiced after considering some useful and necessary things. Firstly, both the partners should be healthy. Secondly, they should decide a suitable place where they can get involved in a physical relation. Thirdly, they should use contraceptives for example a male should use condom in order to ensure that the female won’t get pregnant. Last but not the least they should maintain good relationship with each other so that they become long-term friends. Only then sex before marriage will really turn out to be effective.

— Pratik Shrestha,

Buddhanagar, Baneshwor

n If we go by the view of sociologists, there was no marriage-like institution in the primitive stage of society. People during that period used to indulge in sexual relationship with anybody. But as society expanded and evolved, the need to regulate sexual behaviour was realised. In the course of regulating this human behaviour and making it decent and disciplined, marriage was made mandatory. Thus marriage emerged as an institution allowing two opposite sexes unite. From this point of view, we come to understand that the fundamental reason of marriage is to establish a family with social approval. The way the institution of marriage developed and came into being indicates that marriage has its own role in establishing social order.

But with change in time, people’s desires and aspirations are also changing. This kind of change has led people to override the established social norms. For example, pre-marital sex which is a taboo in our society has slowly been embraced as people are defying the restrictions. This signifies that mankind is reverting back to the primitive stage in terms of sexual behaviour.

Apart from this, the practice of living together in place of marriage and legal protection to such acts has been undermining the necessity of marriage. Furthermore, gay and lesbian relationships have been as common as other marital relationship. This is really a confusing situation, and I find it worthless making any comments over it. As far as there is a question whether pre-marital sex should be taboo or not is entirely an individual’s choice. But personally I am in favour of the restrictions imposed on pre-marital sex as it has several advantages.

— Ambika Pandey

n Not only in our society but South Asian people are conservative towards the concept of sex be it pre- or post-marital. On the contrary, our mythologies and other holy books seem sometimes quite free of this prejudice. For example, ‘Kunti’ who had a pre-marital sex affair with the god ‘Surya’ was given great respect in Mahabharata.

Talking about our social reality, we are so shy and introvert while thinking about the sex. Let’s talk about pre-marital sex, as we are becoming more global with easy availability of internet, we, the new generation, are inclined to be more frank. But at the same time we cannot forget the reality like social norms, standards, and values. As there is a popular saying ‘Think globally, act locally’.

— Ishwor Raj Acharya, Janakpur

n We may negate the truth, but pre-marital sex is a part of our reality. It is not freely accepted in our society. I think in this 21st century, with the development of science and psychology, our perspective should be changed for such type of sexual relationship.

In western culture, living together is increasing. Taking this tradition as an example, sex should be taken normally.

Before the invention of condom it was risky practising sex, before marriage. But, in this age, where we have different type of means for birth control, it should not be taken seriously.

Sexual desire is a natural state for any mature person. But, the freedom for it may come with a price that may damage our prestige, career and life. So, neither should it be taken so easily nor as a taboo. Society should educate and show the right way.

— Sabin A Maharjan